Beautiful Now
by CassanderRoshack
Summary: After a long standing Dan and Phil have finally finished one of the largest stepping stones in their life. They have finished their book. But unfortunately during the process they hadn't have had time for themselves let alone each other. Phil finds he's missing their nights together even more, and doesn't know how to ask Dan if he still wants to have them at all...


Not a lot of people, besides Dan Howell's immediate family, friends, and Phillip Lester, knew that Dan didn't seem to smile as much as he did in his Youtube videos. He didn't do it that much outside the radio show either; as if soon as the camera turned on Dan seemed to be able to form a smile out of nothing and immediately go to greet the crowd- figuratively or literally. Dan also didn't seem to realize this himself, nor did he realize a lot of things about himself as Phil came to the conclusion of as he looked at him across the couch as Dan was assuming the self-proclaimed 'browsing position'. Rarely, he would barely crack a smile at something on Tumblr, then go back to the blank mask that he usually had one when writing segments of their book. Phil had made a point of trying to make him smile since they met, though had never told this to him directly.

The more time Phil spent looking at his friend, the more he realized that Dan truly didn't realize somethings. He supposed that the other had simply gotten used to how he looked and noticed everything that Phil honestly liked about him. Dan didn't know what he looked like with his sleeves rolled up around his elbows, didn't know how straight his nose was when he looked down at a book, didn't know how good he looked in low light in dressed but nothing but black, didn't know that he frowned hard and pushed his eyebrows together in faint concern before he asked a question, and he certainly didn't know that his hair was sticking up in the back so badly that it resembled a cow lick.

Phil cleared his throat, phone long forgotten in his hand and that he was in the middle of texting someone. Dan didn't acknowledge him until he quietly said his name. The other raised a moderate thick eyebrow, "Hmm?" The elder paused looking at the piece of hair and then at Dan. It wasn't particularly bothering him as much as he just wanted an excuse to talk to him. They hadn't really had time to spend together since the book was started. Granted, they spent nothing _but_ time together for that. And as usual, someone was always around. Dan had asked early on, especially after the entire Valentine's Day fiasco, that their relationship- whatever it was- to be kept quiet. Which Phil could honestly understand; he had met Dan's family and they already had a fandom for their relationship. Their job had certain limitations too if they came out in more than one way. And it wasn't like they were in the best country for it. The thought of Russia popped into his head but he dismissed it. He definitely didn't want to start thing about that mess. Either way if the nature of their 'friendship' got back to anyone… things would without a doubt go wrong. Phil's eyes widened a bit at the thought and nearly lost himself in it before Dan spoke again. "What is it, Philly?" Phil smiled on reflex at the name. He loved it when he called him that and it only happened on occasion.

He seemed to pull out of his stupor and let out his breath before sighing, "Nothing, your hair is a bit tussled up." He smiled more as Dan raised a hand from it's place resting on his laptop to flatten it. "Better?" He asked, eyes not leaving the screen he couldn't see very clearly. It looked like he was writing another segment of the book. Phil nodded, then voiced that he had flattened it down well enough. Dan glanced at him now that Phil spoke softly. The television flickering through Chromecast's prechosen pictures slowly to illuminate the room. The movie they had been watching had turned itself off about twenty minutes ago. For a moment Dan just held his gaze, "What's that look for?" Phil blinked, "What look?" He shifted self-consciously, finally putting the phone down on the couch between them. "You're just looking so pensive." Phil shrugged, looking away from him only to find his dark eyes again. Dan raised his brow, asking without asking what was wrong. The elder shook his head, clearing his throat. "Just thinking." He got up from the couch, taking his phone with him. "I'm heading to bed. Night, Dan." He said over his shoulder and the younger muttered a half reply with his brows furrowed. The same look that Phil was so thinking so deeply about before he returned to his laptop with a heavy sigh of his own.

xXx

In the middle of the night he heard his bedroom door open and close and Phil frowned a bit. He reached over to turn on the light instead of using the darkened cellphone screen in his hand. Phil had gotten used to sleeping alone since they started the book. Apparently their writing hours were almost entirely different and thus, Phil either had started to sleep alone in his own room or they simply took the sofa bed in their office. And one ill-fated gaming channel bounce later, the sofa bed was decommissioned. Dan stood there in boxer shorts with pillow and duvet in hand. "The heater is broken in my room." He lied easily and tossed the pillows and blanket on the other's bed. Phil smiled, scooting over to allow him room to lie down on his bed. "Right, the one you just bought." Dan nodded, going toward his designated side of the bed. Which was always the left unless they were just too tired to care who got which side.

Dan sighed, lying down and Phil glanced at him, knowing that Dan wouldn't got to sleep for a while but stare up at the ceiling until his thoughts wore him out. He always did when they slept in Phil's bed versus his own. They knew each other too well by this point; their sleeping habits in particular. Phil scooted up farther in bed, picking up the book he had read several times at this point. He'd gotten it last Christmas for himself and was by the author who wrote the Scott Pilgrim series. His fingers moved over the red glossy cover and yawned a bit to himself, picking up his glasses as an afterthought. He was quiet as Dan rolled over to look up at him. He normally slept naked, but Dan thought it would be better to come in with at least some sort of clothing on. Though neither had said it, they felt the distance growing a bit despite how much they were together. It's not like they were very public. Maybe two at the very most of all their friends knew about them. And that was only because of ill-timed kisses and lack of common decency- as Dan had called it- to knock before entering.

"Ugh." Dan sighed from beside him and Phil arched his brow, waiting for him to say something. He made a half sound of disgust again and Phil nearly laughed at how forced it was. "What's wrong?" He asked him and Dan brushed his hand under the covers to point at Phil's own boxers. Phil frowned looking down at the pants Dan had gotten him months, if not years, ago as a gag gift. They were black with skulls on them. Much more Dan's style than his, but to be honest he'd gotten dressed blindly after taking out his contacts so he hadn't cared much what he wore to bed tonight. "What?" Dan sighed and leaned up, pushing the book down as his torso allowed the duvet to slide off his back. "Your pants, they have skulls on them." Phil drew in a sharp breath, looking into Dan's dark brown eyes as he continued. "They scare me…" He murmured and kissed him gently on the lips. "Take them off."

He had to laugh, kissing him back just as gently. "You bought me these, how can they possibly scare you?" Phil played dumb, though allowed Dan to trace the rim with half-lidded eyes. He didn't look away from him and Phil smiled, "I'm glad your 'heater' broke." Dan rolled his eyes, knowing that Phil saw right through his lie. "Sue me; I'm a sucker for a once-ginger in glasses." He muttered, pressing a kiss to Phil's lips then work down his jaw, then down to his neck. There was one spot that Dan seemed to find every single time they had foreplay before sex. And every single time he gave him one hell of a hickey to deal with and wear the highest collar shirts he owned for the next few days. His hand ran down his spine while the other made an attempt to return the book and glasses to his bedside table.

They spent time like that, Dan moving to lay on top of Phil with lazy kisses and fingers in each other's hair. "You'll need to straighten it again soon." He muttered, running his hand through Dan's 'hobbit' hair and Dan huffed, "Such a bother." He pressed a kiss to his chin and then his collar bone. Phil nodded, "It looks nice the way it is- if you wanted to leave it like that." There was a short laugh and Dan shook his head. "Absolutely not, you may be able to look like you can pass for a human being now days with the stubble you have in the morning, but I certainly don't." Phil smiled at that. He shrugged one shoulder, brushing the slightly curled hair out of Dan's eyes for him as he rested his chin against his chest. Dan looked into his eyes, "What's that look for?" He asked and Phil shook his head a small bit, and then whispered, "You're gorgeous." Dan blinked at that and a tint of red came into his cheeks. He smiled at him, "Don't I feel special…" Phil immediately leaned down, tilting his chin upward to kiss him. "You are."

He moved upward to kiss him back passionately. "Make me feel it?" Dan asked softly and Phil paused for a split second before realizing what he meant. "Yeah, anything." He whispered and kissed him harder, turning them over now Phil held himself above Dan. "I want you like this," he murmured, parting his thighs so that Phil's hips settled between them. His brown eyes were open and earnest and he nearly laughed at the stupefied bewilderment in the elder's face. "You want to bottom this time?" Phil asked with mild surprise, usually after long stents Dan almost outright demanded the he would top.

Dan nodded and cupped the back of the other's head, drawing his throat to his lips. He kissed his neck and jaw, not caring about the fine stubble that brushed against his lips. Apparently since they hadn't gone out of the house today, or the last several days, Phil had decided to keep his stubble. Which, in Dan's opinion, combined with his black rimmed glasses and near feathered hair… he made him a much better than fine treat. "Why not?" He murmured, "You don't want to?" Phil shuddered and instinctively rocked his hips against the younger's pelvis.

"Phil?" Dan's lips were still pressing soft kisses against his throat and his soft, questioning tone sounded vulnerable. There was a time when Phil would have picked Dan as a bottom, going by looks alone. Now he was playing the part nicely and he was irresistible to the elder. "Fine- Fine, just suddenly loving the imagery below me." Phil groaned, just before he gave Dan a searing kiss that took his breath away.

xXx

A few moments later, their boxers were lying in a pile on the floor and Dan's legs were hooked over Phil's shoulders. The elder positioned himself and hesitated, worried that he might not have taken enough time for them to actually enjoy it.. He always worried like that when he was the one topping, simply because it wasn't always a common role for him to take and he felt out of practice. "Let me know if it's too much- or I hurt you." Phil breathed, stealing a kiss. "You won't," Dan answered with confidence. He cupped the other's ass and urged him to move. "Quit procrastinating."

Phil chuckled and kissed him as he rocked forward. His groan echoed Dan's as his swollen cock nudged past the tight ring of muscle. "Bloody hell, you're tight," he gasped as he eased in until he was buried to the hilt. He held still for a couple of moments, panting softly as the younger's body adjusted to him. "Dan," he sighed, kissing the younger's arching throat. Dan stroked Phil's back and made himself relax, accepting the intrusion of the other man's flesh. He did his best to hide the discomfort he felt but evidently, Phil saw his expression before he could school it. He didn't move for a while and he murmured to the younger and planted soft kisses all over his throat and jaw. The discomfort faded and he must have sensed it, because he slowly withdrew and thrust again. His gorgeous blue eyes studied Dan as he started taking him, watching for any signs of pain. His breath shivered with pleasure and he licked his lips as he slowly pumped within Dan's body.

Dan shut his eyes and moaned softly as the rigid flesh brushed against his internal gland. Phil was almost tender; Dan hadn't really expected that from the energetic man. He'd expected Phil to start fucking him hard and fast as soon as he adjusted. Rather than being disappointed, the slow, gentle rhythm was heavenly and the intimate way Phil looked into his eyes made Dan's breath catch. He felt the pressure building already and he knew it wouldn't be long before Phil's thrusts brought him to climax. Phil fell into it once he knew for certain that he wasn't hurting his companion. He whispered the younger's name shakenly and started up a slow, deep rhythm. Dan was gripping the sheets with one hand and squeezing his ass with the other. The younger's breath caught softly with each thrust and his fair features began to flush with pleasure. Phil smiled proudly as he felt the other man's cock twitch against his stomach. If he played his cards right he'd have Dan coming soon, without even having to touch him. Clearly, the man got the greatest pleasure from a slow fuck…which suited Phil just fine because he knew he wouldn't be able to last if he did it any harder or faster.

"Phil," Dan moaned when the elder pushed in at the perfect angle. Phil pumped a little harder, excited by the sound of his name on Dan's lips. "Do that again, baby," he panted, kissing the younger's tensing jaw. "Phil… god, Phil-!" Dan obliged him and Phil gritted his teeth and fought his approaching orgasm with everything he had. "Fuck… Come for me, Love." Phil begged breathlessly, not caring how much he swore when they were like this. "Oh god," Dan panted, tossing his head as the gentle thrusts of Phil's dick made the tight heat in his belly coil and lash out. _"Phillip!"_ He trembled and held the other man tightly as he came, pressing his sweating face against Phil's smooth chest. Phil closed his eyes and grinned as he felt Dan's rigid cock pulse against his abdomen. The feel of the warm, wet seed splattering against his skin undid the other and he moaned long and loud. He shot his load inside of Dan and clenched his jaw. It felt so amazing, he wondered if he might black out. "Mmm, Dan," he purred when it finished. "God, you're gorgeous…"

Instead of verbally responding, Dan tangled his fingers into Phil's hair and kissed him deeply. The elder returned the kiss, lazily tracing patterns inside of Dan's mouth with his tongue before coaxing the younger to take over. They traded dominance easily for a while, their tongues exploring one another's mouths with sensual ease. "That was amazing." He breathed and Phil eased himself off to the side, "They don't call me the _amazing_ Phil for nothing." Dan smirked and playfully swatted him, turning his head to kiss him. "Right, it's all based on your bedroom skills." He whispered and shook his head, "Let's just… lay here for a bit." He murmured and Phil agreed softly, resting his arm on the other's waist. They were already tired from the day, now exhausted from their favorite activity. "Oh Phil…" Dan whispered, fighting a yawn. "Hmm?" Dan smiled as he heard the other hum, "I finished the last part of the book." Phil's eyes opened and he kissed him deeply. "That's my man." Dan rolled his eyes, "Okay, now you can go to sleep. Big day tomorrow." He told him, "And the rest of our lives." Phil laughed, "Sounds perfect."


End file.
